Setting Him Straight- The End of Gay Culture

The Laramie Project- A University of Redlands Production

2007-02-18T12:40:00.000-08:00

The Laramie Project is a play by Moises Kaufman about the reaction to the 1998 murder of Matthew Shepard in Laramie, Wyoming. The play explores the effects of a hate crime on an individual, and its resounding affect on small town living. The show includes 18 actors who portray over 60 characters. It is a free show, and any donations will be given to GLBT organizations around the Inland Empire.

Start Time:
Thursday, February 22, 2007 at 8:00pm
End Time:
Saturday, February 24, 2007 at 8:00pm
Location:
Glenn Wallichs Theatre
Street:
1231 EAst Colton Avenue, (directions)
City:
Redlands, CA 92374

The Future: Where have we gone and where are we going?

2006-11-29T22:17:00.000-08:00

What if being gay didn't have to start as a secret? What if as you grew up, your parents described homosexulaity to you at the same time they explained heterosexuality? What if people were never teased, poked, hit or yelled at for being gay? What if words like "faggot" had never been uttered? What if the Matthew Shepard incident hadn't occurred? What if President Bush had never pushed for an amedndment against gay marriage? What if the phrase "All men are created equal" actually meant something? What if you were accepted for who you are and what you want to be? What if being an individual meant you could openly be gay anywhere, anytime, anyplace? What if.......you tell me...

What does the future hold for homosexuals? I don't know, and I don't think anyone does. But we can only hope that the direction is positive, upwards, rewarding.

I Select What Parts of Being Gay I Like...and Kick Aside the Others

2006-11-29T19:23:00.000-08:00

Start here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3b4npEO7GFM

The hardest thing for homosexuals to accept from heterosexuals: hypocrisy.

It's interesting that most of the issues that are brought forth by the heterosexual community wouldn't be on the forefront if it weren't for the fact that sometimes (or most times) heterosexuals can't face the fact taht they say one thing and act upon another. The biggest issue facing the American public at this time about homosexuality is the gay marriage agenda. We'll focus on that in a minute, but first, how can heterosexuals deny a group of American's a freedom, but at the same time enjoy parts of that same community? Here's what I mean....

Common Myths about Homosexuals
Lesbians and gays can ordinarily be identified by certain mannerisms or characteristics.

Lesbians and gays have made a conscious decision to be homosexual.

Homosexuality is not "natural"; it does not exist in nature and is therefore dysfunctional.

The majority of child molestors are gay.

Gay people should not be teachers because they will try to convert the students to the gay lifestyle.

Most gay people regard themselves as members of the opposite sex.

I won't even go into the reasons why these views are extremely close minded and completely untrue, but will leave them simply as examples for what is to come. Additionally below, here's a is a quote DIRECTLY from President George W. Bush in his efforts to pass an amendment to be added to the Constitution of the United States of America which is supposed to PROTECT the rights of Americans, not force them into further isolation.....maybe I'm crazy, but wouldn't this harm more people than do good? hmm...curious....
Amendment Protecting Marriage

America is a free society, which limits the role of government in the lives of our citizens. This commitment of freedom, however, does not require the redefinition of one of our most basic social institutions. Our government should respect every person, and protect the institution of marriage. There is no contradiction between these responsibilities. We should also conduct this difficult debate in a manner worthy of our country, without bitterness or anger.

"I believe that God has planted in every human heart the desire to live in freedom. And even when that desire is crushed by tyranny for decades, it will rise again."
--State of the Union Address, January 20, 2004

Talk about being a hypocrite. Because YOU want to protect the freedoms of people by taking them away, that's good. I don't think that's exactly what GOD would have said about people of diversity were He here right now, but then again, how would I know right?

So I will allow you, the reader, to deal with the above as you see fit, but this is what I was aiming at in giving these examples:

So as far as the gays are concerned for most Americans we are in the way, a parasite. We are all that stands for evil in this world and we are immoral (although it isn't our choice, so sorry I guess...). And our dear President even said "...homosexuality is taking over America...." Oooops, I didn't realize THAT.... But what REALLLY irks and pisses me off, is that people can say all of this and more about homosexuals, yet you, YOU can watch Will and Grace and Queer Eye and wear clothes like we do and all that but you can't accept homosexuality. You know what, it's really not fair that you can pick and choose whatever you want to enjoy from our culture. That you can like some parts and hate others and that's ok. You know, we don't do that with the heterosexual culture...whatever that may consist of...because then we'd just be undermining and "taking over America" and causing more problems. Well you know what, if you watch Will and Grace and laugh, then don't come and tell me you disapprove of homosexuality that's just plain insulting. I don't going around saying heterosexuality is wrong. And furthermore, heterosexuals have so many more freedoms and priveleges that the homosexuality community can't even begin to enjoy, like adoption and marriage. And THIS is why gay culture is coming to an end, this is why we can't own our own culture anymore, and THIS is why straight people are to blame, because you are taking parts of US and making it something of yours, and not even saying that "yes, this was created by the homosexuality community" because you don't agree with it. Well you know what, we're not ready to give it up that easily. No matter what, to the bitter end, the gay, lesbian and transgendered community will hang on to every ounce of our culture as we have left until we are satisfied with this country, and you wan't do anything about it! Don't mock us. Men, don't dress up as women for halloween and then say the next day that the transgendered are wrong, because you were a transsexual the night before! Don't you know that every time you do that you marginalize yourself, and make yourselves look more stupid and close minded than you begin. Gay culture is here, it's queer, and it's ours!

You Might Be Gay If......You Watch Will and Grace!

2006-11-29T15:35:00.000-08:00

You know the show: Will and Grace. Running for 8 years on television, The popular sitcom was one of the first to plow new paths to representing the gay community on television. The main character Will lives with his best friend Grace in an apartment in New York City. His best friend, Jack, is also gay, and their rich friend Karen Walker is questionable at best. The setting is typical: New York City--what better place to live and grow up gay than there? The possibilities are endless in NYC. the show pokes fun at the characters lives, interactions with loved ones and how they cope with being or not being in a relationship.

Even though the show was taken with great acclaim and truly was amazing, what harms did the popular show produce? Well first off, their social lives were overexaggerated. The main characters (other than Jack) are shown having high end jobs, making a ton of money and spending each night out on the town at fancy restaurants and drinking wine. But the gay lifestyle isn't all about that, and not all gay men have it off so well. In fact, being gay roots sometimes more from the struggle it takes to be gay, admit that, live that lifestyle etc, and very few of the episodes on the show portray that, and when they do, are underplayed so the audience finds them more funny rather than realistic. Secondly, another negative about Will and Grace is their living arrangement. When Will and Grace moved in together it went from being best friends to being a crutch to not being able to be pulled apart. Their closeness has in some cases caused the demise of their relationships with others. The portrayal of this type of relationship has affected people watching the show from home. But the part that makes people like myself most mad is someone using the phrase "We can live together like Will and Grace"; mostly from girls. First, I don't want to be stuck with a girl forever and feel the weight of that, and furthermore our lives won't be as happy and lucrative as it would seem. But the idea of being stuck together like Will and Grace makes some people sick and constricting. The gay stereotype the show has perpetuated isn't what all gay men want to be known as, that's for sure.

Other shows have also started airing on TV that include some or all gay characters. These include Queer Eye for the Straight Guy which is a group of 5 men who alter the "look" of a straight guy so he dresses more aesthetically. the show further perpetuates that all gay men care most about clothing, are frilly and girly. There are clearly various subcultures of the gay world that definitely don't fit into this stereotype; but America sees gay men this way. By minimalizing the true vastness of gay culture, the media has inflicted upon America an illusion of what the culture really is made up of.

Other shows similar to these include: Queer as Folk. The L Word (about Lesbians and their lives), The Ellen Show, Six Feet Under, The Simpsons, Family Guy and others have portrayed various gay issues.

But were these shows originally intended for straight people or gay people? Is the intention to poke fun at the gay lifestyle or educate? Once these shows became popular, did their original intentions change from forging new paths to entertaining?

Who's side are you on?: The Case for the Metrosexual

2006-11-29T14:42:00.000-08:00

A metrosexual is defined as a man in love with not only himself, but also his urban lifestyle; a straight man who is in touch with his feminine side.
According to The Word Spy, Mark Simpson coined the term "metrosexual" in 1994, in an article in The Independent. His description of someone who is a metrosexual was printed on the internet's Salon.com. He wrote, "The typical metrosexual is a young man with money to spend, living in or within easy reach of a metropolis – because that's where all the best shops, clubs, gyms and hairdressers are. He might be officially gay, straight or bisexual, but this is utterly immaterial because he has clearly taken himself as his own love object and pleasure as his sexual preference." – Mark Simpson, "Meet the metrosexual," Salon.com, July 22, 2002

What are these creatures and where did they come from? And why do they look but don't act gay?

So in our ever-changing world, a new breed of male has emerged: the metrosexual. According to the above description, this is a male who is usually straight, but still hopes to dress in a "gay" style, which simply means not looking like crap each day. And who should we attribute this to? Clearly gay men have had some sort of influence on straight culture, but how? Well, I would say that the answer is advertising. Women love gay men, that's a fact. It's because gay men dress well, act politely, are affectionate and listen. So from that, the only aspect of this that advertising can build upon is the clothing. Gay men have always dressed well as far as I know, and by altering that look just a little to appeal to straight men as well, stores worldwide are now carrying clothing that looks oh so similar to clothing a gay man would wear. Stores such as American Eagle, Aeropostale and Abercrombie and Fitch are probabaly most guilty of this. They clothe these people!!!!! Suddenly, every man in America is wearing "destroyed, vintage boot cut" jeans and polos one size too small to show off what little muscle one has. And it seems every so often something new gets added to this metro look that gets adopted by everyone like allowing your belt to show just below the line of your shirt (which is such a girl thing to do by the way).
Advertising gurus write: "By defining the metrosexual as a high-end consumer, derived from gay stereotypes, simpson has provided the 'buzz word' neede by marketers to target and expand a profitable market"

So what harm does this cause and why does this make some gay men angry? First, that clothing was originally ours, and not only that, but now you make everything confusing because it used to be that you could tell that someone was gay simply by what they wore, but now everyone is wearing similar clothes. Straight men: it is because of this that gay men continue to hit on you, no one is sure who's side you're on! If you just continued to wear crappy clothing, we'd autmatically assume you're straight. So I bet you get hit on daily, and you can owe that to that pair of AE jeans you're wearing. That's your fault

On the other hand, something that makes us gay men mad is that being metrosexual isn't a bad thing. But where things get messy is when the diagram that encompasses homosexuality also includes metrosexuality, because unlike being gay, being metro is not about your orientation, it's about your looks. When people lump metro with gay, it makes straight men uncomfortable, nervous and wary because suddenly they "might" be gay, even though if you aren't you aren't, clothing won't define that. But also, gay men find being metro somewhat insulting because rather than have the name be something completely different, it had to incude the prefix "sexual" which automatically stirs up a whole new set of issues.

So straight men who are metro, be glad you have nice clothing, but stop complaining about it all, you look nice, gay people know you're not gay so get over it. If you're going to embrace part of the gay culture fine, but it's really annoying to try to look gay but still not want anything to do with the whole gay image, after all, we invented you metros!!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gzqLxHI57os

The Age of the Internet Part 2

2006-11-29T13:42:00.000-08:00

Dating--
So dating has gotten even easier, or harder, depending on the way you see it via the internet. No longer do you have to wander around bookshops and coffee shops hoping someone will give you that "special look" that signifies they're interested. And no longer will you have to go through the awkwardness of those first stumbly words when that perfect guy or girl DOES come up and talk to you for the first time. In fact, that whole awkward first step is completely surpassed through the new online dating scene. Here, you can post an add about yourself that can say just about anything: truth or lie. It's usually fun to throw in colorful words such as "vuluptuouos", but it's not necessary. Posting some facts about yourself, a photo of some sort and some contact information and pretty soon the replies will just come filtering in--well, so you hope. And the replies can range from bad to worse, and sometimes you get lucky and get some potentials. From there, you go through the whole ritual of emailing back and forth, getting more detailed each time, until you finally decide to go on a first date. What's interesting though, is that the first date no longer seems like that traditional first date feel because you've had a chance to talk through whatever before hand, so you can skip the "What do you do for work" line and pick up where you left off from the last email.

For the GLBTQ community, online dating has become almost second nature. Unlike straight dating, the first obstacle to gay dating is ensuring that someone is gay before you ask them out. So rather than risk embarrassment in the work place or at school, you can log onto an onlinie dating site and not only post aobut yourself, but search thousands upon thousands of profiles by setting parameters such as age, location, height, weight, whatever. It's all there.

But has this new form of dating made things less personable? Or just surpassed some of the awkwardness and catered perhaps to the working adult who during the day really has no extra time to be wandering around the grocery store looking for the perfect match. For both gay and straight communities alike, online dating has also moved passed simply dating to a wide range of possibilities: casual dating, missed connections, seeking mate, rants and raves, serious relationships and the infamous "whatever I can get" (whatever that means....). Through sites like eHarmony.com which claims they match you with THE ONE or something close to it, to FAcebook and Myspace which inadvertantly allow you to search for possible dates by "searching for friends and accidentally adding in you hope they're single, cute and tall."

The world of online dating is vast and maybe even a little frightening, and recently films have shown online dating at it's best--and worst.

Here are the movies and YouTube video clips:

Must Love Dogs with Diane Lane and John Cussak

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hp_htOVVth4

You've Got Mail with Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ohysNKJmdOs

The Age of the Internet Part 1

2006-11-29T13:14:00.000-08:00

It seems that you can find and do almost anything on the internet these days. From buying and selling your aunt and uncle on eBay to posting movies of you eating a ten-foot long hamburger on YouTube, the technology is out there. By the push of a few buttons, you can get almost anywhere, anytime, anyplace, all you need is one simple internet connection and BAM you're done. The internet can be bad...you know that. Junk mail and stupid advertisements are bad enough, but the age of the internet also brings about the age of porn, viruses and whatnot. But the internet can be good and useful too. And in the context of birng gay in America's (or any) society today, the internet has actually helped kindle growth and guide some through the tricky rapids of learning what it means to be gay and coping with those issues.

The site I will be describing can be found this way:

1. Open a new window by going to FILE scroll to NEW and click on WINDOW
2. Go to google.com
3. Under the search area, type in GAY JOCKS BOND
4. Click on the first site that comes up that reads: College Jocks Find Home on the Net
5. For those of you who can't read directions, or this is simply too much for you, click this
Colege Jocks Find Home on the Net

Luckily for athletes, coming out doesn't have to be so difficult. You'd think that they'd have just as much trouble as everyone else, but that's not true. Being an athlete means something: it means you're straight most likely. Athletics has traditionally been reserved and hailed by the straight community. When you grow up as a boy, your parents (most likley your father) encourage you to be involved in sports in every way you can because that's the "man thing to do." Rather than play with dolls or bake, most young boys regardless of their orientation will probably play sports. What changes next is that as boys grow up, if they are destined or know they are homosexual, being involved in sports all their lives won't stop that from happening. What is difficult though is that the people they are constantly around in sports and the people they've always gorwn up with aren't always as tolerant about coming out and being gay. You've probably heard the locker room talk. Who wants to come out to anyone either a) in the locker room or b) anyone who clearly knows that locker room lingo doesn't include any gay words in any positive manner. So because of this, gay athletes find it extremely hard to come out and be themselves. In which case, they probably don't at all, or if they do, they are extremely hesitant and the response can be mixed depending on the crowd. But more and more, gay athletes have begun to use the internet as a haven for coming out and working through issues that they can't solve in the locker room. The internet has proven to be a valuable place to voice opinions, get advice and talk to others in the same situation.

And not just for gay athletes, but for all different types of gay communities, the internet houses forums and information to help those in need. Some youth can't even discuss with their own parents about what is happening with themselves, so they must rely on the internet to get the advice and guidance they need. And yes, you are talking to strangers and not in person which makes the whole process that much more impersonable, but on the other hand, you're talking to SOMEONE and that's all that some people need. The internet, as you know, is a powerful tool that connects us all in some way or another, but embracing the good aspects of the internet and knowing that the help is out there moves people one step forward to being themselves. So if you're struggling with any issues and need advice, please, ask for some, look for help, leave me or someone a comment saying "I need help with _____ and don't know who to talk to or where to turn" and I'm sure help will be just around the corner.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M1BPythxqRc&mode=related&search=

The Fine Art Of Being Come Out To: A Straight Person's Guide to Gay Etiquette

2006-11-29T12:43:00.000-08:00

These Colors Don't Run

So what is gay culture? What defines gay culture? Where do you even begin?

I'll tell you where it begins: coming out. The act of coming out to anyone is tough. That's the point where you are finally defining who you are, what you stand for, and where you stand in this world. Coming out means embracing what you hope will develop as your sense of individuality. It's your chance to go against the grain, to take that different path that will ultimately lead to you being seen as "different." It's interesting how people react to someone coming out to them. It's interesting what they are thinking during the process, and you wonder, as those words are coming out of your mouth, what they are thinking. The approach to those two simple words are different for everyone; everyone develops a tactic or style they tell people or somehow let them know. But the hardest part about all this is the negetive reaction. That reaction that most straight people give you that may not be said, but you can see that fear in their eyes. It's like this:

But you're worried. You know, from various statistics that have seeped into your brain via the media, that approximately one in ten Americans is either gay or lesbian. And yet, to your knowledge, no one you know is homosexual. Since you know more than ten people, you can only assume that this is because your gay and lesbian acquaintances are still in the closet, at least relative to you. Your fear is that one day, one of them is bound to come out to you -- and you won't know what to do.
You want to do what's right. But this wasn't covered in Home Ec. Miss Manners remains silent on the subject. You'd ask your mother, but she wouldn't understand. And if you knew which of your friends were gay or lesbian, you wouldn't be in this fix in the first place. What to do? (from: A Straight Person's Guide to Gay Etiquette)

The way I see it, to give someone a hard time about coming out is just plain stupid. I really mean it. First off, all the myths that you'll catch it whatever number of ways is wrong and ridiculous. But furthermore, do you KNOW what kind of courage it takes to tell someone you're gay? Have you ever done it? Probably not. But what you should know is this: This world is filled with individuals. But not just people of different types and shapes and thoughts, but individuals in the sense that everyone wants to be their own self; their own identity. So if that's true, if you want to be an "individual" and not follow the crowd like a sheep, why then would you not accept someone coming out? Because really, that immediately sets you apart from everyone else. They say 10% of people in a room are gay, that's not exactly true, but nevertheless, wouldn't you want to be part of that 10% that's different verses that 90% that's the same? Saying "I'm gay" is like saying "I'm an individual--a non conformist" if you will, in a big and direct way. Setting the sexual preference matter aside, from a cultural standpoint, isn't this what we're all aiming for? Something that sets us apart. So being gay or lesbian or queer or transgendered isn't the EASIEST way to be "different" from others, but it's still something. And I'd rather have that something than nothing.....

Gowing Up Gay in America: The Hard Years

2006-11-29T12:18:00.000-08:00

"I came out at fourteen and my mother cried every day for a month."

"I went through so much shame. I was not the 'typical' gay kid playing with Easy Bake Ovens. I want people to know me for myself and not because I'm gay."

"I had so much internal homophobia because I always heard the words gay and lesbian in a negative context. I ended up going to a mental institution."

A Coming Out Story

I realized I was gay when I was 14 years old. I didn't know much about what that meant, other than I knew I was somehow "different." My friends at school would constnatly tease me calling me words like "queer" and "fag" and "fairy." I hadn't actually told anyone that I was gay, so I had no idea if people were saying this because they "knew" or they were just joking around. I was terrified of telling my parents, but at some level I'm sure they knew. I didn't like sports, I didn't play cards, and I didn't like wrestling. My older brother was the perfect kid, the All-American boy. He played footballl for college, had some bimbo girlfriend, and somehow, no matter what, always manged to please my father. I didn't know what to do from here. I wanted to tell people, I wanted others to know, I wanted someone to care. So I decided to tell my best friend. I'm sure she knew already, but I did it anyways. I said "Ashley, I'm gay." And somehow, by saying those two words--I'm gay--I felt a weight lift off my shoulders. She hugged me and said thank you, and that she felt priveleged to be the first I told. After that day, I started telling people "Hey, I'm gay!" and some were cool with it, and others weren't. I started learning how to cope with issues at school and started to learn how to tell people I was gay without alarming them. I didn't tell my parents for about a year later, and even so, I only told my mom. I knew my dad wouldn't understand and wouldn't like what he heard. But I did know my mom would be somewhat supportive. She cried and had a hard time for about a week, but I knew it was only because somehow she knew what kind of difficulty that would mean for later in my life.

- - - - -

It's 6 years later. I am currently attending Ohio State University and am openly gay. I guess that doesn't exactly mean I shout it through the halls. But when people ask I no longer deny it. I don't hide the fact that I am gay and proud. Ha, I even have a flag inside my door that says "We're here, we're queer, get over it!" Maybe that's a bit much, but I find it funny. But even though I am part of the gay/straight alliance on our campus and am actively involved in trying to educate others about homosexuality issues, I know that there are people out there that still don't understand, that still don't realize what it's like to be gay. They don't KNOW what it's like to know you can't get married, you can't adopt children, that no matter what you will almost always be one rung lower on the ladder than straight people, because somehow we can't be trusted. So day by day, I try, with others, to take step forward, move in the right direction to change the image of gays and lesbians in this world. And the most difficult question I am asked: What is being gay? Other than the obvious sexual aspect, I don't know. It's a culture, it's a being, it's approaching situations with a different mindset, it's being proud of your differences...I don't know. You'll have to ask someone else about that one. I don't know the whole sociology behind it. But I do know that being gay comes with its own burdens, stereotypes and so on.

Visit this YouTube movie: "Song About a Boy Being Gay"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jHlDDtl7Df8

Setting him straight?

2006-11-29T11:43:00.000-08:00

From: Alternet: The Mix is the Message
Zach is a gay teen whose parents forced him to attend "religious camp" to "make him straight." But these camps are better at psychologically hurting teens than at changing their sexuality.

President George W. Bush, White House Press Office, Nov. 18, 2003
"Marriage is a sacred institution between a man and a woman. Today's decision of the Massachusetts Supreme Judicial Court violates this important principle. I will work with congressional leaders and others to do what is legally necessary to defend the sanctity of marriage."

Michael Johnston, head of Kerusso Ministries (an "ex-gay" conversion center): "You know, really, when you think about it -- let me just be blunt here -- when an individual 'comes out' and proclaims their homosexuality, really, what they are doing is standing up and saying, 'I'm a sexual deviant, and I'm proud of it.' "

From The Laramie Project "Reflecting on his Lifestyle 2"

This clip from YouTube is from the HBO version of Moises Kaufman's the Laramie Project. If you speak Spanish or can read it, I urge you to look at the Spanish subtitles and see how it compares to the English dialogue. I think you will find it interesting how this movie is being transformed and viewed in other countries, but how the breakdown in translation and the barriers of communication can somewhat skew the true meaning or original intentions of the show.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nFEANImu34Y

The End of Gay Culture as We Know It

2006-11-29T11:33:00.000-08:00

Gay culture is coming to and end. That’s a fact. You see it on the streets of big cities, university campuses, in suburbs where gay couples have settled, and on the many facets of the internet. It’s interesting because the concept, the very threads that define gay culture, are coming to an end; they will disappear and vanish forever. Now, I don’t mean that homosexuals and lesbians will no longer exist—that’s impossible—but that which used to define gay culture such as customs, etiquette, mannerisms, dress, attitudes and so forth will and have transformed into something completely new. It used to be that saying someone was “gay” brought forth preconceived notions of both sexual practice and cultural beliefs. But in a world today where identity and individualism are goals for each person, subcultures have expanded and diversified the gay community into so many various groups that being “gay” is constantly becoming harder and harder to define. The distinction between gay and straight culture will become so blurred, so fractured, and so intermingled that it will be difficult to examine them separately at any level. So who’s integrating with whom? Are gays trying to be straight, or are straights trying to be gay? And who is responsible for the running of cultures, ideals, beliefs, identities, descriptions, actions, language and identity?